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When I ask guests that are struggling with self-care guilt to define what self-care is, they often have trouble. They start with the obvious (exercise, getting enough sleep and eating well). But once we chat more, they end up defining it as something that helps them to feel good, be in better physical shape and/or escape from life's obligations. The problem with this definition is that its too narrow and wrong. It leads many people to feel like they're being over indulgent or selfish when trying to set aside some time for themselves.
How To Redefine Self-Care
Here's the deal, self-care isn't really about feeling good, and has nothing to do with escaping your life. Does self-care help make you feel good? Of course it's a wonderful by product. But many things that make you feel good in the moment are not self-care and could potentially even hurt you in the long term. Moreover self-care isn't about indulging. Many indulgences are unhealthy. And thinking of it as an indulgence will only create more guilt, convincing you that it's not a necessity, (which it is).
Self-care is about your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. And there is nothing indulgent or selfish about that.
Can going to the spa count as self-care? Of course, but going everyday would be considered an indulgence and beyond what's needed for self-care. What's important is to understand that self-care can be much simpler then that. Often, the simplest self-care practices can be small rituals that remind you of your visit to the spa. An aroma in your bath that was used, a face mask or eye treatment while journaling or reading a book in a quite place or even a 10 minute walk to clear your mind.
There is a common belief that prioritizing something means taking away from something else. That there is a cost, although that is true for many things, its not really the case when it comes to self-care. If you choose to go to the gym after work instead of happy hour with a friend, you've chosen to do something at the expense of the other. But does it really? Taking good care of yourself
- gives you energy to work late when needed
- helps you stay calm under pressure
- increases your ability to focus and be more productive
- helps keep your emotions in check
Proper self-care is what enables you to serve, do and give more to others both personally and professionally.
How To Change And Build A Self-Care Routine By Getting It Off Your To-Do List
The problem is that most people tend to think of self-care as yet one more thing that you have to add to your already busy schedule. It feels like a chore.
Here is the equation you are using in order of priority:
WORK+FAMILY+CHORES+OTHER(including self-care)
Because self-care comes at the bottom, it rarely comes into play, and it's the first thing you push off when busy.
Here is the truth: Self-Care must come before this equation ever comes into play. It should be prioritized above all else, even your to-do list.
Besides self-care is not so much about doing stuff. It is mostly a mindset thing.... a way of living and being. I know that even thinking about putting yourself first can trigger an anxiety attack. After all, we have all been taught that it is selfish to put ourselves before others especially if you are a parent.
What you need is to start asking yourself how well you can take care of others when your not taking care of yourself. Because if you don't take care of yourself, you'll become needy.
And needy people are the epitome of selfishness. So, by NOT prioritizing self-care you are actually being selfish! How about that for a big "aha" moment?
If you respect yourself then you'll take care of yourself. There is a positive ripple effect from taking good care of yourself. It builds your self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence levels.
And this helps you to be more present. This means that proper self-care leads to better self-worth and a more positive outlook on life.
Let's practice on the habits and routines that are most beneficial to us. I believe that everyday is a renewed opportunity to complete our resolutions; who says we must set resolutions only at the beginning of the year? Let us focus more on taking care of ourselves year-round and regularly implementing healthy routines into our daily lives in the form of self-love. To make this happen, we must pay attention to our bodies and what it is telling us. Being in tune with our needs, we can understand what it is that we need at a particular time by taking a step back and asking ourselves what we can do better to nurture ourselves. At the Spa we want our guests to feel empowered and inspired to keep better care of themselves weather it is at home or when they visit us.
Self-care routines are small habits in our daily lives that we incorporate to make sure we are taking care of ourselves. By building a self-care routine, you can assure that you are taking care of your body and avoid feelings of extreme stress or exhaustion. Especially as life gets busier this time of year and our calendars start filling up with appointments and social outings, demanding our attention and energy, pulling us in different directions. A lot of time we wait until something is wrong our bodies to start caring for them. We must remember to practice kindness and self-compassion with ourselves as well with each other. We all deserve better, and we should thank our bodies for everything they do. Practicing gratitude is also an effective habit that helps build a healthier relationship with ourselves. Taking some time everyday to be grateful for many of the things that we take for granted has been proven to increase overall well-being and promote a sense of relaxation.
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